Family Violence in Asian Countries

The other name of family violence is domestic violence. It defines as the use of force or violent behavior just to manipulate and get the control over the other family members.

All the cases of domestic violence are not caused by the men but it is a fact that most of them are caused by men as Asian countries are male dominant societies. And most of the times the women and children of the family are the victims of the violent behavior of men.  It can be happened in any kind of relationship, like it can be occurred between partners, family or against people who are not physically perfect.

Family violence has same effect on the victims regardless of their backgrounds, cultural belonging or their income status. Still there are some women like who are pregnant, have low background, less educated or having any disability are at greater risk to face the domestic violence.

Common Factors in Family Violence

One of the most common factors which cause domestic violence is the in equality between men and women. Especially in Asia countries which are male dominant societies, men cause so much domestic violence against their family member. The other factors are that mostly men want to control their families so they use the force; they think that there is nothing wrong to behave in way they want as they are in their home. The other misconception is that the males are much stronger and powerful so they are the one who can make all the decisions.

Family violence and The Alcohol Myth

Being addictive to alcohol and violent behavior against the family members are two different things. It’s totally a misconception among us that we think a person who is addictive to alcohol or drugs is also the physical or sexual abuser against the family members. May be in some cases alcohol or drugs are the reasons but not always.

Resistance to Seeking Help for Violence

Very few of the abusers who are men trying to get help from others to change their violent behavior. As the male of Asian countries the main problem for men who are abusive is they think they are the head of the family and they have all the rights to use force to solve the problems of the house and family. They are not answerable to anyone for their behavior. They mostly blame their family members as the reason of their abusive behavior. Men of our society also think that if they seek help from others, it proves that they are weak and can’t solve their own problems.

Rehabilitation after Family Violence

Due to facing the domestic violence for a long period the women and children of family started to suffer from anxiety and fear. The men who used the abusive behavior to solve family matters need to be undergo some counselling process and must know that regaining the trust of family back takes time. These kinds of men should also be mentally prepared themselves that their wives and children may leave them at any stage of the relationship.

Dowry Abuse

A Fatal Social Evil in Asia

Dowry abuse is the most dangerous thing, which affects the lives of women and girls. The relation of husband and wife is such a pure relation and good family unit can result into a better upbringing of the individuals. But as a society we just ruined this beautiful relation. Now the value of the marriage is measured by the value of the dowry. Now the important thing about the marriage is how much money has been spent by the family of bride.

Daughters as Burden

Due to the pressure of the society and demand of dowry by in-laws forced parents to consider their daughters as burden.  The father of daughter must give so much to her daughter as dowry on her wedding. The list of items which is very long has been handed to the family of the bride by the groom family, which they want as dowry. 

Unfortunately, the most educated sector of our society is also the victim of this abuse. The groom’s family just has the responsibility of one event, but the family of groom has responsible for so many things. They must take so many loans from others just to meet these demands by the society and family of groom. These all things made parents think that their daughters are burden for them, so most of the people in our society even educated, become sad on the birth of a daughter.

 Groom’s Side Not Always Cause Issue

There are few families who of groom’s who are not demanding the dowry. Well, the problem is not always the groom’s family. In most of the cases the girls who are going to be bride, demand so many things from their family. The girls have their own list which they want to take with them, like the furniture of their room should be according to theme, the electronic items and so many clothes. They also want to organize their events in the most expensive banquets.

There are some cases in which parents of the bride also want to give so many things to their daughter as dowry. They just want to show their status in their society and the inner family rivalries also forced them to do so. These things may be easy for elite class but it causes huge burden on middle and lower class.

Who Is to Be Blamed?

Well, every one of us should be blamed because as society we set a trend like this and forced the parents to give so much their daughters as dowry. We should get enough education to understand that the amount of dowry does not represent our status in the society.  

Families spend so much on the weddings. They should spend this money to educate their children, so they can understand this phenomenon. The parents must give their daughters so much education, so they don’t need dowry to feel secure, they can stand on their own on the base of their education.

Women Also Sexually Abuse Children but Their Reasons Often Differ from Men’s

May be its very surprising for people, but it’s a fact that all the sexual abusers of children are not males. It’s a misconception among us that only males are the sexual abusers of children. There are number of cases in which sexual abusers of children are females, although their reasons differ from men’s, but they do exist.

Why Do Women Abuse

The reasons of abuse by women are much different from men’s. Mostly the victims of abuse by females are of very young age. Females are not much discriminant about the gender of the victim. They may abuse a girl or boy for their own different reasons.

According to some research there are some cases in which female abuser, sexually abuse their daughter. The reason is that they just feel jealous of their own daughter. These kinds of women are of narcissistic personality.

Some female abusers, abuse their students and they called it as love between teacher and student. These abusers mostly targeted the students of very young age just to get enough control over them.  They just called it love and make it the base of their sexual abuse against their students and don’t consider it wrong. 

The reason of doing this act is that, these kinds of women just want to fulfill their emotional needs which they can’t get from anywhere else. So they just targeted their students. Another reason is that these women are themselves victimize of sexual abuse and now they become addictive of these actions.

Indirect and Co Abuse

Some females are being in a relationship with the males who are abusive. These females abuse their children and think this might make their men happy. They can get close to their males.

There is also another group of women who abused the children for the financial purpose. Here they totally differ from men. Most of the men do sexual abuse just because of their sexual attraction towards the victim. But for women this is not always a case. Women pushed the children into sexual activities just to earn money. They bring the children into the places where the children get raped by many other persons and these women can get money for this.

Is child Sexual Abuse by Women on The Rise?

Some reports show that about 90-95% of these kinds of cases where the abusers are females are unreported. From the available data is difficult to say that numbers of these cases are rising or not. 

But due to advancement in different sources of media, children are now much informed and have no fear about to tell anything which is happened to them wrongly.

Earlier this week the Police detained Five Students in Multan in the case of Abduction of their University Professor, Mr. Wasif Noman Ansari.

Today students are in Police Custody for the Abduction of their University Lecturer, at Bahauddin Zikriya University, who was on his routine way coming back to home from work.

Thanks to surveillance footage, the Police was able to round up the students who took their Professor. In accordance to reports, the students belong to the student annex of a political party by the name of People’s Student Federation at the University.

Personal Grudges And Grievances hookup Students towards an Inevitable Act

Allegedly, the students had some personal and individual problems with the professor in regard with unfair examination marks and burdens in the syllabus that directed them to aggressively abduct their professor and hold him hostage.

Luckily, the Professor was found at a house close to the University with no reported injuries and damages. However, what action will be taken out on the students, can only be determined by the University itself.

We all have certain teachers and professors that we don’t inevitably like but kidnapping them? That is perhaps one of the greatest dangerous and risky things we have ever heard.

Child-on-Child Sexual Abuse

This is another form of child sexual abuse. In child-on-child sexual abuse no adult is involved. This event is totally happened between adolescents. When one little child is sexually abused by one or more children is known to be child-on-child abuse. Child-on-child abuse is when one child uses the physical force, threats, tricks and emotional manipulation to get their purpose done.

Most of the times victims cannot understand about what is happening to them, as they have no idea about the child sexual abuse by the other child. The victims just go along with the event and have no idea about the consequences of that event.  The victims may recall the event in their younger age and then blame themselves that it might be them who were the initiator of that event.

Causes

The main cause of this abuse is that the child who initiates the abuse may not mature enough.  These children do not know anything about the sexual acts. Most of the abusers of such abuse are also victimized of the child sexual abuse by some other adult person in their lives. The other cause of this abuse is the abuser is exposed to pornography in very little age or witnessed the sexual activities during his/her early life.

Prevalence

The events like these are rarely got reported and not got enough attention. The child-on-child abuse is certainly not considered as harmful as it is not similar to the adult abuse. It is mostly not noticed by the public as it does not involve the adults. Sometimes most of the adults got known about child-on-child abuse but they don’t give attention to it and think it is not much harmful and they have no idea about the consequences of that act.

Effects

The problems and consequences faced by the victims of this kind of abuse are the same as faced by the victims of sexual abuse by the adults. The victims of child-on-child abuse also have problems of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, sleepless nights and stress. In most of the cases is also cause the suicidal attempt by the victim. The victim in starting thought it was a normal act but in their adult age they realize that it was something wrong and started to blame themselves as the initiator of that act.

Sibling Abuse In Asian Countries

All the types of abuse such as psychological, physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse by one sibling to other are included as sibling abuse. The other form of abuse which is not much common is rational abuse, which also included as sibling abuse.

The fights among siblings are very normal but when one sibling trying to control or terrorize the other siblings, then it is referred as abuse. Normally sibling abuse occurs in a family, where parents are very neglecting about their children, or children most often witnessed the abuse between their parents. These children repeat the same scene with their other siblings which they witnessed between their parents.

Identifying Sibling Abuse

Little fights, disagreements and competitions are the normal routine of siblings in their lives. Parents should observe the actions of their children to understand that is there any kind of abuse occurring among their children. They must talk to their children so they can differentiate between the abuse behavior and aggression from other siblings.  One of the may concern for parents is to know about whether there is some sexual abuse among their children or not. As sexual abuse need much attention because children are not much aware of this type of abuse due to their innocence.

There should also need to be observed that the abusive behavior of the child with other siblings is occasionally or it happens regularly. The behavior of the child is according to his/her age or he/she show so much aggression even in early stages of his/her life.

Risk Factors

There are some risk factors as well which are associated with sibling abuse. following are those factors;

•    Family System

One of the factors of sibling abuse is the family system; the system in which children have grew up. This system may include the aggressive and abusive behavior of parents towards their children, spouse abuse, the low income level of the family, low education level of the mother, dissatisfaction about the relationship between the parents and neglecting behavior of the parents about the up-bringing of their children

• Parenting Behavior

The other factor associated with sibling abuse is parenting behavior. Most of the times parents neglect the conflict between their children, sometimes they compared their children as good or bad, favor one of them, trying to resolve the parental-child conflict by using the power as they are parents, fail to supervise their children and also don’t give so much importance about to mention a discipline line among their children.

•   Individual Traits

Individual trait is another factor which is associated to sibling abuse. Individual traits referred to the differences of behavior among the siblings. The abuser who abuses his/her other siblings due to some personality issues with him/her. He/she may have low temperament and such an aggressive behavior which cause abuse. That abusive child may also not have the empathy for other siblings and he/she show his/her emotions in a physical way. Anger, depression and lack of attention from parents also cause the sibling abuse.

Parental Abuse by Children

The form of domestic violence which doesn’t get so much attention is parental abuse by their children. People do not know much about this because parents who get abused by their children feel so much shame and they don’t want to discuss it with anyone. Parents get abused by their children in the form of physical or verbal abuse due to the aggressive behavior of their children. 

Some researchers think that parents themselves are the reason behind the abusive behavior of their child but it’s not the case always. Still there are some parents who try to convince themselves that the aggressive behavior of their child is due to someone else and blame others, this thing even worse for the children. Parents need to understand the behavior of their children so they can be in a healthy relationship.

Multiple Causes of Abusive Behavior

One of the most common causes of parental abuse is the bad parenting practices by the parents themselves, as they neglect their children in their early stages and abuse their children as well. Well there are some other abusers who have normal upbringing and did not face any of bad situation in their childhood, but they still abuse their parents. 

This is because these kinds of children have seen so much abuse and violence in different TV shows and movies and also play video games like these. Other causes of parental abuse are, children may face difficulties in their early stages like they have to live with single parent or they witnessed the abusive relationship among their parents or they have to suffer the unemployment and alcoholic abuse of their parents.

Children started to harass their parents, they started to abuse their parents verbally and emotionally and some destruction of property may also occur. It’s very important to understand these kinds of abusive behavior and need to be treated properly. Sometimes emotionally interventions by others may lead the abusive behavior to higher level. Parents also try to control the abusive behavior of their children by using some force which also causes more problems.

Intervention

One of the ways to confront the parental abuser is intervention. They key to prevent adult and teenager from parental abuse is to stop them in their early stages, so their abusive behavior can be controlled and don’t reach to the higher level of aggression.

Well intervention does not always work as we desired. Sometimes children may suffer from some sort of mental health and that’s why they can’t understand what is actually happening and what they are doing. They just show their emotions in a way they understand which may be emotional, physical or verbal abuse to their parents. This is also including destruction of the property as well. So parents need to help their children and understand them properly and try to intervene them according to the behavior of their children.

Identifying Men Who Use Violence

Men who use to abuse their family are not have some specific profile. The abusers can belong to any culture, they are of any religion or their income also does not matter.

They Are Ordinary People

Most of us think that the abusers can easily be identified because of their behavior. We assumed that their behavior is very harsh towards everyone. 

They are not the monsters like we assumed. They are normal people who behave well with others and can easily adjust in our social circle. It is very important to understand the behavior of an abuser as they behave in a very good and attractive way. We should not assume that the abusers are physically or psychologically unwell.

 They Can Be Likable

It is not easy to understand how women can be easily in a relationship with someone who is abusive. There are some reasons behind this;

• usually Abusive men are extra caring and much attractive
• when they are in the beginning of relationship they show some extra attention
• women in starting can recognize the verbal and emotional abuse

For the other people, abusive person is normal, as he may have family and friends, so people think he is a normal person. So, when woman discloses the abuse about that kind of person, people not believe the woman easily.

Men Who Abuse Also Don’t Abuse

We usually think that man can’t be abusive as he treats his wife in a very lovely way and very good relations with his friends and colleagues. Maybe we like someone very much but at a same time he can be very abusive to his partner. We cannot believe this very easily.

Most of the abusers, abuse their partners because they think they have some ownership over their wives. They think they have right to do the violence, so they can make their partners to do the things which they want.

These kinds of men may have two different sorts of behaviors. They treat people very nicely at their work place and show much aggressive behavior at home. As they satisfy themselves that they are not doing anything wrong because their behavior is good with other people.

How Abusers Groom Victims

Abusers usually mixed up their loving behavior with the abusive one. At the start of relationship abuser show some extra love and positive interactions but after some time they started to show their abusive actions at very low level, which surprise the victim to some extent but not completely. In starting days abuser show extra attention, listen to their partner very carefully, most of the time surprised their partners by giving them gifts. 

But slowly abuser started to show his anger and abusive behavior and try to convince his partner that these actions are also because of love as jealousy and anger is part of love. As they have shown so much love and attention, so the victims are confused about the abuse and cannot leave their partners easily. 

What about Male Victims?

Violence against any gender is very damaging and dangerous to the people who experienced it, regardless of their gender. All of us think that domestic violence and abuse is just against women, but the truth is men experienced it too. Every kind of abuse matters for victims and men also need to be helped.

Men’s Experience of Partner Violence

Domestic violence and abuse against men is not much common and people don’t know much about it. This is very hard for males because they want to express it because of some reasons.

• We are not used to think men as victims

As we know, cases of domestic abuse against males are very male, especially when the abuser is a woman. Due to lack of awareness about such cases, most of the male are not understand properly that from what they are going through.

• Men are socialized not to see themselves as victims

Men are always had been taught that they are very tough and they can’t express their emotions. People thinks man who need help and support from others to solve his issues is very weak. So, as result when a man faced domestic violence or any problem he can’t ask anyone for help because he thinks it’s not a man thing.

• Men may feel ashamed being victims

Mostly men, who are victims of abuse, thought that it is their fault. They don’t give enough attention and care to their partners and they still failed after so many tries to put their all in a relationship. So men feel ashamed to accept the fact that they are suffering from abuse. 

Why Male Victims Don’t Leave?

It is not easy for anyone to leave an abusive relationship immediately. As for men, there are also many reasons; because of he can’t leave easily.

• He is not sure about the Abuse
• He thought that it is his fault
• He felt embarrassing to accept it
• He has fear of financial support after leaving
• He has some positive thinking that things may change
• He has some fear of losing his children

What Does Abuse of Men Look Like

The forms of abuse male are facing are mostly same as women victims faced. Still there are some types of abuse which are specially targeted to men by their partners.

• Property destruction

Abuser started to destroy the objects and many things of the house. The abuser also sells out the things which are important for the victim.

• Sexual Abuse

Men also suffered from sexual abuse. The abuser pressurized the victim to have sex in a way which is not comfortable for the victim. Abuser also criticizes the victims and complaining about the performance of the victim during sex. Most of the time female abuser doesn’t allow their partners to have sex with them as a punishment.

•  Intimidation

The abuser started to threaten the victim to kill them. They also create some fear in them about their suicide and threaten them they may hurt or kill the children of victim. The abuser may also start to disrespect the victim in front of his family and friends.

• Harassment

After separation the abuser started to harass her ex-partner. Abuser started to go at the workplace of victim without any reason. Show up and parked the car outside of his house. Even victims request the abuser to stop, the abuser still continuously called and texted the victim and his family or friends.

Why Don’t Victims Just Leave Abusive Relationships?

It will be a new beginning for victims to leave an abusive relationship but they think that’s it is a great risk for them so they just continue the abusive relation.

People find it very difficult to understand why victims don’t want to leave the abusive relationship. There are many reasons for victims to stay in an abusive relation;

• Hope That Abuse Will End One Day

After the incident of violence, abusers try to show that he/she feel guilty and show that they have regret about what they have done. It may be just a fake show off. Most of the abuser tries to convince their partners that they will not do it again. They started to show some extra love and care to influence their partner. 

They try to explain that it’s just because of some certain reason or they going through some severe pressure as a result they become violent. Abusers tell the victims that he/she trying so hard to stop this violence and they also need the help of their partners.

Victims should not believe the abuser because that feel of guilt may be temporary. Victims should take some time before believing the abuser.

• Victims Have Been Isolated

Victims of violence don’t get any support from their partner who is actually abuser. An abuser doesn’t allow their partner to go out in social gatherings or stop them to attend any family meeting. Victims also feel that nobody in their family believes that they get abused and they don’t get any support from their family members as well.

• Leaving Can Be Dangerous

Most of time women are killed by their partners just because they want to leave the relation or they have just left. The abuse becomes more intense in the case if women are pregnant. Their husband started to hurt them more severely during the pregnancy. Women also feel so much fear of their partners so they cannot leave. They don’t want to get hurt or killed and also don’t want to hurt their children. Some women believe that their lives will not be safer after leaving their husband.

• Leaving Can Lead To Shame

Women feel it’s a very shameful for them to leave their partners. They have fear of getting labelled as, divorced or separated person. In Asian societies it’s very common that women feel it’s very humiliating for them as well as for their family to get divorced. Western women also feel the same shame. Another reason is some women have experienced emotional abusive relationship for a very long time that they can’t even feel confident enough to leave and live on their own.

• Leaving Is a Process

Victims can’t leave the relation or their partners all of sudden. It is a process and it takes some time. When victims leave for the first time their purpose is just to check whether their partner going to make some effort to bring them back and stop the violence. Victims also left their partners just to check that they can live on their own and they have enough resources to live a good life. Victims always give their partners some time by leaving them for a short period of time, before making a decision of permanent separation. Victims also looking for some support before leaving their partners permanently.